


The Broken Pieces Of Us

by JustHannah



Category: Music - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Adorable, Angst, Bottom Liam, Confused Liam, Cute, Cute Liam, Cute Zayn, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Zayn, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Top Zayn, palik, stylinson, ziam, ziam is real
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4812956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustHannah/pseuds/JustHannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was so unexpected, but so raw and real. I was beginning to accept that I loved Liam but I knew he was struggling in terms of his feelings towards his sexuality, I would wait as long as it took for him, always. I could see it in the way he looked at me that he felt this way but he was breaking because he didn't want to admit it and because of how management was going to react. I could see it, I could feel it, and because of it I was breaking too. They were going to cover it up and try to tear us apart, but I knew against all odds, nothing could ever tear us apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Us

        "So about this Larry Stylinson character," the interviewer started making me look at Louis who sat in the row in front of me, I could see him look down at the name as he shifted in his seat, as did Harry.  


        To say that this was a touchy subject was a bit of an understatement, every time it came up Louis was the one to reply, Harry couldn't because management knew he wasn't the best liar. Every time Louis would redirect it towards talking about the fans and the various types of fan fiction that were about him and Harry, he never denied it and neither did Harry, they both made sure of that.  


        I blankly looked up at Liam feeling a part of my heart sink into my stomach from the topic of conversation, he was the only one who could ever really tell how I was feeling. He looked over at me and rested his hand lightly on my knee giving me a small smile, his touch and melancholy expression leaving me with a sense of comfort, he always knew what to do when I was feeling on edge.  


        What happened with Louis, Harry, and management effected all of us in a way none of us could really explain. It broke Louis and Harry which broke all of us, they were completely different than they used to be. They used be so loud and happy but now they were only like that at home in moderation. When we were out they didn't say much, they were just so sad. We had no problem with them being together, it wasn't them that was the problem, it was management who was the problem. They have so much control over things and decisions that us as individuals and as a group should have the freedom to do and decide, Liam and I also had our fair share of difficulties with them.  


        No matter where Lou and Harry were, they weren't allowed to even touch each other at all, they weren't allowed to take pictures next to each other, and they couldn't sit next to each other during interviews with the exception of when things got suspicious such as now.  


        I could see it in the way they looked at each other, it was so obvious that there was so much they were holding back, you could see the pain in their smiles and in their eyes. Our group being as close as we are, it hurt all of us to watch.  


        "There's actually a lot of them about me and Niall," Liam removed his warm hand from my leg and redirected the topic towards his bromance with Niall and throwing his arm playfully around Niall's shoulder.  


        I could see Harry's back in front of me relax a bit putting me a bit at ease, talking about it always made things tense and Liam being the good friend that he is always changed the subject.  


        I chuckled as Niall pulled a face but my laughter died down as I witnessed Louis glance blankly over at Harry who met his eyes, they both immediately looked down and back at Liam and Niall who were answering another question which I had been too distracted to hear.  


        "Well it was great talking to you," the interviewer smiled warmly at us as Liam's arm found my shoulder, dropping his other from Niall.  


        "Oh absolutely," Niall smiled and Liam added, "And the same to you," Harry and I nodded in agreement and Louis tried to smile widely and said a small, "Yeah."  


        "I will be seeing you soon, boys," she chuckled and gave the cameraman a small motion, she was a nice lady but her choice of questions was definitely going to be challenged and most likely taken out of the interview by Modest!  


        The five of us stood and lingered until it was time to leave, we were waiting for our handlers who were chatting up the woman who interviewed us, probably about the very controversial topic, Niall and Harry were going to get something to eat at the refreshment table.  


        "You alright?" I asked Louis and he shrugged a little as him, Liam, and I headed to the back for a smoke with a few security guards following.  


        I felt bad but I knew when we got back to the flat he would be able to be with Harry the way we all know he wants to. We had all been living together to write for the next album and I was glad because at moments like this, it made things much easier for them, "We'll be home soon, Louis, I know it doesn't change anything but is there anything I can do?"  


        He shook his head but looked back up at me, his expression was a bit lighter, "Thank you though."  


        "It's no problem, mate," I smiled as best as I could at him as we took our places, Liam handed me a cigarette while I lit his, seeing smoke soon pour from the end. The boys always teased me and Lou for supposedly corrupting him, but he didn't seem to mind.  


        I lit my cigarette and felt an instant relief as I took in the smoke and let it out, Louis was clearly still being affected and Liam patted him lightly on the shoulder with a sympathetic smile.  


        Harry strolled up with Niall trailing behind who had half of a piece of pizza stuffed in his mouth from the door we had just come from, two security guards followed them. I wasn't surprised to see Niall eating, he always ate when he got nervous.  


        "Are you alright?" Louis asked Harry quietly enough for security not to hear but in a tone so shockingly soft that was only saved for Harry.  


        "I'm alright, I just want to get home already," Harry gave him a small smile to which Louis smiled slightly in return as I felt Liam's chin lightly resting on my shoulder from behind me making me chuckle and take another drag of my cigarette.  


        Liam was my best friend on the face of the earth, I love the other guys to death but there was a certain connection that pulled Li and I together, even though we knew each other so well already we were still learning things about one another on a daily basis.   


        Liam and I grew especially close when Modest! decided to bring Danielle back for a second time. I felt badly for Liam when management forced him and Danielle to get back together because of the rumors that him and I were in a relationship slowly began to surface. Of course, they didn't worry about it much, Louis and Harry had been the main focus from the start.  


        I understood how he felt and because we both had "girlfriends," it was another reason for Modest! not to worry, they forced me into a relationship with Perrie as well. I was glad they hadn't mentioned our recent "break-up," in the interview like all the others but I was already preparing myself for the next time, I had absolutely nothing against Perrie as a person and we didn't have a bad time getting along but we just never really _fit_ together, it was a stunt from the start.  


        I was also glad that Danielle wasn't mentioned, the "break-up" did happen months ago but like the topic for Perrie and I, it still made him feel uncomfortable, miserable even, and it still got brought up. They had been in love and I had to admit that I was a bit jealous when they spent so much time together considering we were best mates, but when they broke up the first time, that was real, they weren't in love anymore and the boys and I did our best to pick up the pieces. Bringing Danielle back was like pouring salt into an open wound, and all only because of one stupid rumor that wasn't true.  


        Liam is such an amazing friend, he could sense when something was wrong even when I didn't even know myself, I could never talk to the guys like I could talk to him, I never wanted to talk about my problems but he always somehow got them out of me, we were so comfortable with how close we had become and it was such a good feeling.  


        "Zee?" Liam's voice rang in my ear, snapping me back to reality, seeing a cloud of smoke emerge next to me.  


        "Yeah?"  


        "Damn, you were spaced out," Niall laughed and Liam removed his chin from my shoulder, stepping closely beside me, our shoulders comfortably resting against each other.  


        Somehow Niall brought up the topic of Harry's jokes and Niall and Harry got into a small but lighthearted argument about whether they were funny or not. Niall, while shoving food in his mouth, argued that they were horrid but Harry strongly disagreed while bringing up Niall's eating habits making Louis let out a small laugh until Liam stepped in while laughing, "Neither one of you is wrong, Harry's jokes are hilarious, but because they are so bad, now calm down you lot."  


        This made all of us laugh, normally things didn't get like this until we got home but today Louis seemed to be especially down and the others were trying to change that, it was nice to see him laughing.  


        "Damn it," Harry murmured with a small pout but that changed as Louis smiled fondly at him.  


        "Zayn?" Liam whispered.  


        "Mm?" I responded, turning to look up at him, seeing the edges of his lips curve upwards and his hand slightly touch my back, he shook his head and didn't reply.  


        "You boys ready?" Paul asked as he walked out the door, there was a black SUV pulling up in front of us, I was glad we didn't have to be around our handlers again, all they seemed to care about is creating drama and basically beginning to ruin us as people.  


        Liam and I put out our cigarettes and headed towards the car. Paul made sure Liam and I sat in the back, Louis and Niall in the middle, and Harry in the front in case someone was watching us.  


        I wasn't surprised to see that it was now dark outside, we ended up doing three interviews in a row today, it's safe to say that we were all quite exhausted.  


        I rested my legs across Liam's lap seeing him sarcastically roll his eyes but I knew he didn't really care because of the smile plastered to his face.  


        "You handled that pretty well might I say Louis," Paul commented, I could see Louis who wore a small smile that sank a bit, Niall patted his shoulder, he was most likely glad that he didn't have to see our handlers but was still wallowing from the interview.  


        Liam spent most of the ride on his iPhone, he was either texting someone or he was on twitter following or tweeting our fans like he always did, he had a good heart. I however, rarely really got on twitter, it made me depressed because of all the rumors and hate that I still haven't yet gotten used to and it made Liam really nervous to see the affects it had on me.  


        I have to admit that I sometimes found myself getting jealous of the people Liam spoke to. Most of the time I just pushed the jealousy away, I didn't really know where it stemmed from but we were just so close and I didn't want him to be that way with anyone else, it was strange really and it made me feel sort of selfish.  


        I even got jealous of the boys now and then, but Liam usually noticed and gravitated towards me to make me feel better, I knew he got jealous a lot too and made sure to do the same.  


        Niall was in the middle of trying to make Harry laugh by poking his curiously plump cheeks when we drove up in front of our flat.  


        "I'll see you tomorrow, okay, boys?" Paul asked as he waved at Harry, the boys in front of us got out.  


        I tiredly removed my legs from Liam's very warm lap, I made my way out and he was out just seconds after me. We walked toward the door with Liam close by my side to see that it was already open, Liam followed me as I entered the cold living room first.  


        Harry was nuzzling his head into Louis' neck with his arms latched around the older but shorter boy, it was sad that they could never do this in front of other people, but I was glad to see genuine smiles across each of their faces.  


        Niall made his way immediately to the kitchen and Li and I both collapsed on the couch leaving the middle seat vacant until I lifted my legs, he smiled down at his phone when my legs again rested themselves on his lap, he was so warm and I felt so tired.  


        I found myself staring at his features, his lips were still curled into a smile which made me smile in return, his eyes were so brown and lovely and I admired the way his eyes crinkled at the edges because of his smile that was in the center of his short beard, I always found myself doing that.  


        He didn't seem to like how he looked, I could never understand why because he was so good looking, I was a bit jealous of him from his looks to his completely selfless personality even though sometimes I was a bit cocky in my looks myself.  


        I looked over to see that Harry had moved to the love seat and Louis sat on his lap playing with Harry's curls. Niall soon walked over and pushed Liam closer to me making my legs arch over his lap leaving room for Niall.  


        I rested my forehead against Li's comfortable shoulder and felt him relax a little, pushing closer to me and letting his arms rest on my legs. I felt my eyes shut to the sound of the TV and the feeling of Liam's thumb brushing again and again across my knee, his warmth radiating onto me.  


 

        I opened my eyes slightly to see that Liam and I were the only ones in the living room, I was surprised Niall hadn't taken over the love seat and passed out.  


        I kept my forehead against Liam's shoulder as I shook his forearm, "Liam. Liam, wake up."  


        He made a groggy noise and lifted his head while opening his eyes, he groaned as he looked at me, "Really?"  


        "What?" I asked, completely clueless.  


        "I tried waking you up for ten minutes straight and now you're up without me even trying," he let out a small laugh as I covered my face with my hand, rubbing my eyes.  


        "I'm sorry, man," my voice was tired, "Why didn't you just get up then?"  


        "I don't know," he chuckled, "I guess I didn't want to leave you alone."  


        "Whatever you say, you probably just didn't want me to actually wake up so that you could watch me sleep," I teased as I sat up and removed my hand from my face, he wore a tired expression but that didn't stop him from looking guilty.  


        "We will never know," Liam countered, I knew he was much too nice to actually wake me up and he did have a habit of watching me sleep sometimes. He said I make an adorable face, he would know because I always fell asleep on him, "Come on."  


        I removed my legs from his lap and watched him as he stood, he extended his hand to me, which I took. Liam helped me stand and protectively stood closely beside me as we walked, making sure I didn't fall from my still exhausted state like he always did. He was always looking out for me even when I didn't need it, especially when I didn't need it, but it made me feel good to know that he was always there.  


        Once we arrived in front of our bedrooms he turned to me with a tired smile, "See you in the morning, Zee, sleep well."  


        "You too Li," my eyes were half closed as I watched him turn to his door and walk inside.  


        I was glad to finally meet my bed, but in a way I felt a bit sad because I was alone. I never really admitted it to the other boys other than Liam that I hated being alone, I didn't even have to tell him until he asked. That's why he was always with me, even when I knew he didn't want to be, and for that I felt terrible.  


        I collapsed on my bed without bothering to change my clothes and instantly fell asleep.  



	2. You Can Trust Me

       "No, shut it or he's gonna wake up," I heard Louis' voice followed by Niall's and Harry's quiet chuckling, "Much better."  


        I opened my eyes to see Louis leaning over me with a cup of unknown orange liquid, I could smell it from here and it smelled horrid.  


        "Goddamn it," Louis exclaimed as he looked back at Harry with a pout, he took a few steps forward and hugged Louis from behind, he always gave random silent hugs like this.  


        I looked over to see Liam smiling fondly in the doorway, I turned to him and asked, sarcastically offended, "You knew about this?"  


        "Of course not," his smile was wide as he answered, he proceeded to walk over to my bed and took a seat next to me, "Morning."  


        "Good morning," I rubbed my eyes and sat up, facing my four friends.  


        Liam lifted his arm and wrapped it around my shoulder letting his hand hang in front of it, his warmth never seized to surprise me most likely because I was always so cold.  


        I heard Niall mumbling to himself as he exited the room, I was guessing to the kitchen again, I could smell eggs and bacon.  


        "I swear if you eat Zayn's breakfast, I'll eat you," Liam exclaimed and stood from his position next to me, letting his arm fall. Lou made a small sexual remark and Harry winked at him from behind his shoulder, we all chuckled.  


        "You won't let him eat my food yet you were about to let Louis soak me, and especially my hair, in that?" I chuckled as I pointed at the unknown smelly concoction.  


        "I would have stopped him, you know," he smiled as I stood, he was right, that would be the ultimate betrayal, and he's not one to do such things as that. The four of us then walked toward the kitchen.  


        Niall had a fork in hand and was leaning over a plate of food that I guessed was mine when Liam rushed up and smacked him on the hand shooing him away, Niall just smiled up at him and went red.  


        "Thanks," I said toward Liam as I shook my head at Niall and walked up to them, feeling a bit small compared to Liam as he handed me a fork.  


        "You better eat it," Liam warned me with a light tone because I never really ate breakfast, he was always worried when I didn't.  


        I nodded at his tall muscled figure and took a piece of egg on my fork then brought it up to my lips, Liam smiled and nodded at me, turning soon after to look at Harry and Louis.  


        "Do you like it?" Harry wondered, he always asked this even though everyday the answer was the same, I knew why he always asked; because he was a very in-confident person.  


        Louis knew not to deny being with Harry because he knew how it would make Harry feel. Harry was never one to hide his emotions very well and that became very apparent when the topic came up, it would make him feel horrible if Louis actually said it, even when he knew that Louis was completely in love with him.  


        "Delicious," I replied after swallowing another bite of food, I already felt full and my plate wasn't even halfway done.  


        "Not going to eat anymore?" Liam's voice sounded from behind my shoulder with worry.  


        "I'm fine, Li, just full," his features softened as I looked up.  


        "At least you ate something," he took my fork from my hands and was about to cut a piece of bacon when Niall made a noise making us all turn to see him with a disappointed expression.  


        "Well go on, eat it then," Liam sounded surprised as he stepped behind me and chuckled again in my ear, "I'm surprised he didn't jump on it before."  


        My attention was taken away from Niall and back to Louis and Harry, Harry was smiling so wide at Louis showing his dimples and Louis was playing with Harry's fingers with his own while playing with his soccer ball between his feet.  


        "It's sad," Liam must have noticed me watching them, I agreed.  


        "I can't imagine how hard it is," I kept my focus on them, "But one day they'll be able to be together."  


        "Are you sure about that?" his voice sounded sad making me look up to see his eyes filled with an emotion I couldn't very much place.  


        "I love you, Hazza," I heard Lou whisper as I stared at Liam, it bothered me that I couldn't tell what he was feeling.  


        "I love you, Lou."  


        Niall finished up the food and went up to his room, as did Harry and Lou, leaving Liam and I alone in the living room.  


        "Liam...?" my voice was quiet as we sat a couple feet away from each other on the couch, he nodded signaling me to continue, "Are you okay?"  


        I could just feel that something was off, that's part of what was so strange about our friendship, but so great at the same time.  


        "It's nothing to worry about," he assured me.  


        "Liam," I looked him straight in his brown eyes, I was going to get him to tell me, "Don't keep secrets from me."  


        "It just makes me sad, that's all," he admitted and scooted closer to me, he met my eyes letting his arms rest on my legs that now rested across him as I nodded, "Management just controls so much...it isn't fair. Danielle, Perrie, Eleanor, all the business media shit."  


        "I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Liam," I said while searching his melancholy expression, his fingers on one hand tapped at my knee and the other had a tight grip on my other.  


        "You don't have to apologize, it's them that need to apologize."  


        "I don't have to, but I'm on your side and I know it hurts," he met my eyes and shrugged, I was surprised he was even telling me this at all, I could never get him to tell me things like he could with me.  


        "I'm being such a downer, aren't I?" I gave him a small smile.  


        "Smile, Liam, it'll help," I brought my two fingers up to his mouth and pulled the edges upward gently into a smile, he didn't even flinch as I did it, that's considered major trust in this band. I laughed so hard that my hand covered my mouth. I looked up at him, still laughing, seeing him laughing as well, a weight that I didn't really notice existed lifted from my chest, "That's better."  


        "You're a man of few words and yet somehow you've gotten me laughing like hell," he rubbed my knees once more before standing and shook his head as he walked away, still chuckling to himself.  


 

        "Are you sure I did okay?" Liam asked us on our way home from the concert.  


        "You did great like always, Liam," Niall answered and I agreed saying, "He's right, better then always," from in front of him in the SUV feeling him rub my shoulders a few times in response.  


        "I hope so," I could tell he didn't believe me.  


        When we arrived home, Niall called the shower first and Louis and Harry went up to bed, Li and I had already showered after the show at the venue.  


        "Why so self conscious?" I wondered giving him a concerned expression.  


        "I don't know what it is," he admitted, looking up at me, it seemed to be about more than just him being self conscious.  


        "What's going on in that brain of yours?" I narrowed my eyes at him but not in a disapproving way.  


        "You probably know better than I do, you always seem to know," he said as I lent on the back of the couch.  


        "I take pride in that," I winked at him playfully and continued, "There's nothing to be worried about, you did great, just ask all of the screaming girls."  


        "Thank you," I could tell he still didn't really believe me, I nodded and couldn't help but stare at him as he studied my eyes.  


        "You don't believe me," he shrugged and turned toward the hall but was stopped by my hand that latched itself to his wrist, he turned to look at me.  


        "You know you can trust me, Li," I let my hand drop, "It's more than just this."  


        He took a step towards me and let his hand rest on my forearm, part of me was surprised at his movement, "I know I can, and never doubt that you can trust me too."  


        I saw something in his eyes just then, he looked almost afraid of something. He looked down and dropped his hand from my arm, I watched him as he disappeared down the hall. Something was different, I could feel it as I watched him walk away.  



	3. Absolutely

        I opened my eyes slowly, trying to blink away the blurriness that coated them from my dreams. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I had to go get Zayn up.  


        I was so undeserving to have such a good friend like him, last night was one of the few nights that I let myself vocally feel in-confident and he was there, he handled it so well and he was one of the very few that actually helped me feel better in times like that, but even then there was something different happening that I couldn't really put my finger on.  


        I stood in my boxers and T-shirt and slipped my sweatpants on then exited my room, instantly moving toward Zayn's.  


        I knocked softly not getting a response and opened the door slowly to see him still sleeping, curled up tightly in his blankets, I chuckled at his face.  


        I couldn't help but stare at him with a small smile as I approached him, I hated waking him up but we had an interview and a photo shoot today, I knew he wanted time to get ready and I was the only one who woke him up properly.  


        As I neared the edge of the bed I chuckled while placing my hand softly on his face, rubbing it gently, "Love," he stirred a bit but still lay in the same position, I rubbed his cheek again, "Zayn."  


        I sat next to him and watched him as he brought his hands up to his eyes and rubbed them, my name slipped out in a tired tone, "Do I have to get up?"  


        "Yes, we've got an interview and a photo shoot," he sat up and looked at me with a tired expression.  


        "How long do we have?" He asked as his hand met the skin on my arm.  


        "A couple hours," I chuckled at him as he yawned and continued, "I knew you wanted to have time to do your hair."  


        I ruffled his hair, he didn't even have to fix it really, it already looked good the way it was right now.  


        "You know me so well, Li," he laughed as he emerged from the blankets, I saw a shiver run down his spine and stood beside him.  


        His arms wrapped around my waist and I let mine latch around his neck pulling him close to me, I loved how comfortable our friendship was, it brought a smile to my lips.  


        I felt him let go and dropped my arms as well, patting his shoulder, "See you in a bit, yeah?"  


        He nodded with a smile and with that I was gone.  


        It didn't take him very long to get ready and as I sat on the couch in my tank top, plaid button-up, and skinny jeans my eyes widened at him. He wore his normal bad boy facade and his hair was almost spiked up at the front, if I do say so myself I had a very attractive best friend, I was proud.  


        He sat down next to me as Harry cooked pancakes with Louis, as always, not far from him. Zayn let his head rest on my shoulder, his breathing seemed slow already and he wasn't far from sleep, he probably didn't sleep much last night and usually when he's tired he sleeps on me because I'm the most comfortable.  


        I let my arm lift and wrap over his shoulder, he rested even more into my side when Niall retreated from the hallway, moving immediately to the kitchen.  


        "Tired, Zayn?" I asked quietly feeling him nod.  


        "Hey, I swear you goddamn leprechaun, if you eat my food one more time I'm gonna hit you with a frying pan," Louis and Niall bickered as my attention was kept toward Zayn.  


        "Alright?" I wondered, patting his knee softly with my free hand.  


        "Yeah, am I bothering you?" he asked in return, it bothered me to think that he felt like he was bothering me.  


        "Not at all, Zee, what makes you think that?"  


        "Don't know, just wanna make sure," Zayn whispered, nuzzling his nose further into my shoulder, he must have been pretty tired.  


        "Food's done, Leeyum," Louis yelled from the kitchen making me shake Zayn gently.  


        I felt a bit cold as he moved away from me, it was strange because I was always warm, I just pushed it to the back of my mind.  


        Zayn and I stood with my hand on the small of his back, making sure he didn't fall, it was a habit of mine because of my protective nature.  


        Zayn didn't eat much, just a small portion of a pancake but he assured me he was okay. It worried me when he didn't eat, I was always afraid of him losing too much weight or if he wasn't comfortable in his own body. It hurt my chest to think about it, he didn't need to change a thing.  


        I finished Zayn's food with both his and Niall's permission while Harry and Lou were smiling fondly at each other, I honestly wish I could have someone love me the way they love each other, I just couldn't feel anything remotely like that with Danielle, especially after our messy break up. It was a miserable few months when they brought her back.  


        There was a beeping noise out in front of our flat making us place out dishes in the sink and rush outside to Paul's SUV, sitting in our normal seats.  


        The ride was quiet as Zayn rested his head on my shoulder once again, I could feel him falling asleep as we went with his fingertips lightly resting just above my knee.  


        I reached my free hand over to his arm and ran my fingers over his tattooed skin, it was smooth but cold as I traced around his zap tattoo until goosebumps arose. This was most likely because he was so cold, he was always cold.  


        We arrived behind an unfamiliar building and snuck in the back before any paps showed up, I didn't really mind them and neither did the other boys, but our handlers despised them unless they were the ones who sent or hired them.  


        We were met by hair and make up but all they really did was touch up our faces, we were almost immediately introduced to our interviewer and sat in a row of two in the back where Zayn and I sat and three in the front with Niall between Louis and Harry.  


        Throughout the interview Louis was obviously jealous as the male interviewer directed most of his questions toward Harry, but behind Niall's seat, Harry entwined their fingers tightly together, rubbing Louis' hand with his thumb.  


        I found myself watching them and felt a small touch on my thigh, I looked over to see Zayn staring at me, "You alright there?"  


        I nodded honestly, his hand not yet leaving my leg, I looked back up at the interviewer and rested my hand on his.  


        "Is Ziam real?" the young man asked, probably witnessing our small conversation, Zayn pulled his hand away and wrapped his arm playfully around my shoulder.  


        "I don't know, what do you think, Liam?" Zayn grinned at me, holding me tightly.  


        I looked at the camera with a straight face and said, "Absolutely."  


        Zayn and I laughed then the interview ended soon after, part of me was disappointed when Zayn moved away from me once again, but he was soon right by my side again during the photo shoot.  


        I could tell he was exhausted and it peeked my curiosity as to why he couldn't sleep, it was worrying me, I could see it in his eyes.  


        We were taking photos for what seemed like hours and most likely was because the handlers kept criticizing the photographer who kept getting annoyed at them.  


        We were now in the SUV on our way home, I was intently watching Zayn resting against the window with an uncomfortable expression.  


        "Hey," I tapped his shoulder, he turned with his eyes half open, I whispered feeling a certain sadness seeing the look in his eyes and pulled him down towards me, "Come here."  


        He placed his head down on my lap and clutched my knee with his hand as my hand rested lightly in his hair, his hair was so soft against my fingertips. I started craving his touch and selfishly wishing he would turn over and look at me with his big brown eyes, I wanted to touch over his structured cheek bones and just study his features. These feelings weren't feelings of friendship.  


        I brushed through his hair as many times as I could, making sure not to take this moment for granted...but this feeling deep inside was just beginning to tear me apart, I felt so afraid that I couldn't breathe.  


        As we arrived at the flat I watched the other boys as they walked in and waited a few minutes before helping Zayn out.         He stood with his eyes half closed making me stand beside him with my arm tightly around his waist, contemplating every step. I refused to think about this until tomorrow...but my mind wouldn't stop.  


        I carefully helped him up the stairs and got him to his room, I removed his shoes and socks and pulled the comforter up around him, wrapping him in it making sure it wasn't possible for him to get cold.  


        I reached my fingers out and was about to touch his face when I pulled them away, I couldn't do this, I couldn't feel this way. Especially not for Zayn...I couldn't breathe, the fear was taking over me and I couldn't stop the tears.  



	4. Sickness

 

*Zayn's Point of View*

     I felt the biggest pull towards him as I opened my eyes, like I had to see him, this feeling became even more intense when I looked over to see that it was almost one o'clock.

     I pulled myself out of bed and slipped on my skinny jeans that Liam left on last night but I had thrown off in the middle of the night.

     I made my way over to his room and knocked a few times, only hearing coughing as a reply, making me go inside to see what was going on.

     I opened the door a bit and there he was laying down in bed with his back to me, as I neared his bed my hand rested on his bare shoulder, it was almost as if I could feel vibrations shooting through my entire body from the touch.

     Liam turned over instantly, what showed on his face made me want to stop everything and hug him, he had slight circles under his bloodshot eyes and his cheeks were pink. He brought his arm up and coughed into it, I almost flinched at the painful noise it made.

     "Hey," I sat on his bed next to him seeing his eyebrows furrow as he looked up at me, something was very wrong, "You should stay in bed today, Li."

     "No, it's okay. We have interviews today, yeah?" He asked, his voice hoarse as he sat up, letting me help him with my hand still firm on his shoulder.

     He looked like something was scaring him or making him nervous, he was deep in thought as I answered, "Yeah, but you should stay home and get some sleep, eh? It'll help you feel better."

     He shook his head, "I can go, I'm well enough, I swear," he rubbed his eyes, "I don't want you to go without me."

     I rubbed his shoulder and responded, "I'll be fine, Liam, I just want you to get better."

     "Please let me come," he asked, as he glanced over at my hand with furrowed brows.

     "Okay, but if you start feeling too sick I'm taking you home, yeah?" I dropped my hand and stood up walking toward the closet.

     I picked up a t-shirt and blue skinny jeans for him to wear, I brought them over and placed them in front of him on the bed.

     "Do you want me to get you anything?" he had tensed up as I was walking away but shook his head.

     It was so strange, I pushed the thoughts away and changed into my clothes myself, taking about ten minutes for my hair.

     I went down to the kitchen and pulled out a water and placed it on the counter when Niall came in, "What's with the coughing?"

     "Liam's sick," Niall nodded getting a small frown on his face, I patted his shoulder just as Harry and Louis appeared.

     "Is he coming to the interviews?" Louis asked while breaking away from Harry.

     "Yeah, I tried to convince him to stay home but he insisted, so if he starts feeling worse I'm going to bring him back," I stared out at the hallway, waiting for Liam to emerge.

     "He can be so stubborn that one," Louis replied and Niall nodded while searching the fridge.

     I could hear small footsteps and soon there Liam stood, I picked up the water bottle and handed it to him, he looked up at me with a thankful but uncomfortable smile.

     "Don't push yourself, alright?" I asked as I lifted my hand to touch his arm but he stepped away with a sad expression.

     "I don't want to get you sick," he explained, I tried not to let my face fall but it was difficult as I dropped my arm.

     "Paul's here," Niall said from the front door.

     Louis and Harry gravitated toward each other making Liam and I walk outside to let them have their moment.

     I stood behind Liam as he got in the car and kept a close eye on him, it was more then just the sickness that was hurting him, I knew it was something else.

     I rested my hand softly on his, patting it a few times and pulling away, I could feel him staring at me but I couldn't find it in me to meet his eyes. 

     When we arrived I got out before Liam, again keeping an eye on him as he got out and walked next to him inside. I just wanted to know what was going on already, I was scared because he pulled away from me, it terrified me and my mind wouldn't stop reminding me of it.

     I felt even more tense when he sat on the other end of the couch, he met my eyes and must have noticed because he nodded with a small smile.

     I couldn't help but stare at him with worry as the interview went on, he looked so uncomfortable and sick.

     He got through the interview and almost right after, we had another, Liam switched seats and was now at my side with a much lighter expression.

     He was tense against my side but relaxed a bit as I wrapped my arm over his shoulder, he coughed into his arm a few times and leaned his head on my shoulder.

     As the interview ended I turned to see him rubbing his temples, "Do you want to go?"

     Louis, Niall, and Harry were all looking at him with worried eyes as he lifted his head, he looked almost sad.

     "I'm going to take you home, mate, alright?" I patted his back and saw his face fall a bit.

     I stood up before him and took his warm forearm in my hands, they all stood when Harry's hand found my shoulder, "We can handle this, you just take care of him, yeah?"

     "I will," I felt pins and needles on my hand as it met Liam's, "See you lads later."

     "Feel better," Louis said quietly shooting a small smile in his direction.

     Liam nodded at them and responded, "Are you sure I should go?"

     "Go, Liam, it's alright," Harry urged and I could see Liam nod again out of the corner of my eye, "We'll let Paul know."

     Niall ran toward Paul's direction and soon enough he emerged as my hand rested on the small of Liam's back, he was tense but again relaxed at my contact.

     We walked out to the car and I helped Liam in, I kept my arm around his shoulder as we went, I could feel him hesitate at my touch but relaxed as his breathing slowed.

     "I don't want to get you sick, Zee," I was on the edge of chuckling at hearing my nickname.

     "I don't care if you get me sick," I brushed my fingers over his arm seeing goosebumps, "What hurts?" he didn't answer making me continue, "you can tell me."

     "Everything," he said after a moment of silence.

     "Your throat?" I wondered pulling his head closer with my hand in his hair, I could feel him nod against my shoulder and shiver, "We'll be home soon, Li, I'm sorry you're so sick. I won't make you talk anymore."

     He shivered once more as we arrive at the flat, Paul turned back to us when we separated, "Take care of him, will you?"

     I nodded, not bringing myself to reply to him and had a protective arm around Liam's shaky waist and helped him into the house.

     "I can just use the couch," Liam pointed at the couch but I kept my grip on him.

     I gently shushed him and started helping him up the stairs and toward his bedroom. As I opened the door his arm around my shoulder tightened its grip.

     He sat down on the edge of his bed and was about to untie his shoes and remove them before I stopped him. I removed his shoes and laid him down in bed.

     I could see something now more than before that was going on in his head, he looked conflicted and afraid.

     "Maybe when you feel better, you'll tell me what's going on," my finger grazed his cheek and his eyes closed at the contact.

     I dropped my hand from his face and rested it against his arm, I bundled the rest of him in the blankets and stood, I had to get him medicine and something for his throat.

     I was about to the door when Liam said my name, "You aren't leaving, are you?"

     I smiled at him but felt a bit sad at his words, "Wouldn't dream of it, I'm just going to get you a few things from downstairs."

     "Don't be too long," he hesitated before he let the words out but I ignored it.

     I walked quickly downstairs and put the water on the stove to make tea, I got out three Ibuprofen for the pain in his body, a bag of cough drops, and  poured a can of soup into a pot and put in on the stove to heat up. I was craving a cigarette badly but I tried to ignore it, Liam was more important.

     It wasn't long before the soup was heated and the tea was made before I brought it all upstairs, as I opened the door Liam was already staring in my direction.

     A small smile formed on his face as I set all of the objects on the small table next to his bed. It was nice seeing him smile like that, my chest immediately warmed on the inside. I handed him the medicine first and watched as he gulped it down.

     He only ate half of the bowl of soup I had brought up but finished the tea in less then five minutes.

     I sat down on his bed with my hand touching his stomach as his eyes started to close, I covered him in the blanket and was about to leave him to sleep when his hand latched around my forearm.

     "Don't," my fingers brushed around his feeling them let go.

     I brought up a chair and placed it right next to him, I rested my legs on his bed and felt his hand clutch mine, I was worried when he had furrowed brows as his breathing slowed.

     I studied his features once again, the veins that rose in his neck and the softness that showed on his lips, I wouldn't change anything about him. 

     Everything about him was perfect and it was then that I realized exactly how I felt towards him, I didn't know what exactly  it was, part of me was disappointed in myself for letting me feel this way but part of it just seemed like our friendship had grown closer but the other part felt so much more for him, but he couldn't love me, he was completely straight and I didn't deserve him. 

     I sat there looking at him with his tense expression, I couldn't love him...but I did.


	5. The Spaces Between Us

*Liam's Point of View*

     I was awoken by soft breathing that sounded close, I could feel my arms wrapped around something curiously skinny and warm, I knew it was Zayn's arm.

     I opened my eyes to see Zayn's sleeping face inches from mine, I was clutching his arm as his other hand rested against one of my hands. He stayed here all night.

     I slipped up so much yesterday...I was so confused that it was hurting me inside and out, I was sick because I got virtually no sleep and spent all night outside smoking and thinking only about him. He didn't hesitate even once in taking care of me, even if I would get him sick.

     I couldn't control these things I felt for Zayn. I stared at him and admired every single part, the way he trimmed his beard and how his eyebrows raised when he slept, the veins that rose on his tattooed arms, hands, and neck. I didn't know it was possible to be this drawn to someone.

     These feelings were so goddamn confusing, I've never been attracted to another guy, only Zayn, and that alone was scaring me. How much I was feeling was scaring me so much more.

     Hearing his voice, watching all the little things he did, I never really paid much attention to how it all made me feel until yesterday. I always felt something pulling us together, I always felt comfortable and good when I was around him, but the fact that this was more than friendship, no matter how much it scared me, started to make sense in my head.

     I knew I needed time to think about this but I didn't want time, I wanted Zayn, but I didn't know if he felt the same let alone if he even liked guys.

     I had to be distant, I had to be rational, I needed time.

     I unwrapped my arms from around his and touched my lips softly to his smooth arm, even the slightest touch made my skin tingle and visibly affected his skin in the form of goosebumps.

     I touched his cheek softly one last time and turned over, I already felt horrid.

 

*Zayn's Point of View Two Weeks Later*

 

     Things were changing day by day, I felt like I could hardly breathe when I was around Liam now. He was keeping a distance between us which made me nervous. He must have unresolved feelings much like me and for that I could understand the distance, it just hurt when he pulled away or hesitated, he hardly even spoke to me anymore.

      I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me, I knew he felt it too but I also knew he was struggling incessantly, he was straight and I was confusing him.

     All I wanted to do was help him and the only way I could was to give him the space that I knew he needed, but something in his eyes told me that he didn't want space at all. It was all so confusing.

     I stared over at him in the car, I knew we were nearing the concert venue and were most likely going to be mobbed.

     I pulled my fingers up to my lips and bit down on my nails, usually Liam helped me when we were mobbed and I didn't know what was going to happen now that things were the way they were. We had been taking a break from concerts and only focusing on media attention, of course my break up with Perrie was mentioned as well as Liam's with Danielle for the second time.

     Now Modest! was planning on bringing Perrie back into the picture for publicity and another reason they promised to discuss later, but the topic had only been brought up once at our last meeting. I, of course, was expecting the worst and the topic seemed to make Liam especially uncomfortable.

     My heart started beating quickly, we were now out back where cameras already flashed through the windows, I could feel Liam staring over at me as I now held my head in my hands.

     This whole thing was killing me, he was all I wanted and even as I was coming to accept it, I felt so torn. Even if he does want me like I believe he does, management was never going to let it happen, just like Lou and Harry, especially if Modest! is bringing Perrie back.

     I lifted my head and grabbed my backpack from beside me, I looked over to see Liam with a surprisingly soft expression waiting for me, we were the last two, this was one of our very few recent interactions alone.

     He got out before me, looking back to see that I was following, I was very surprised that he waited.

     Camera's were going off everywhere but I was put at ease as Liam stood protectively beside me, his hand resting just below the tattoo on my back. I've been waiting to feel his touch for two weeks now and even as we were walking through the sea of people taking photographs, that was all I could think of.

     Louis and Harry were helping Niall, keeping a good distance with Niall in the middle, and as we passed a few fans waiting at the exit behind barricades, we all stopped and signed a few autographs each.

     When we reached the inside and the paps were gone I turned to Liam as his hand dropped and the lonely feeling inside my chest returned. He only looked at me for a second seeing me nod and nodded in return, but even meeting his eyes for a second made my chest warm.

     We drifted to our dressing room and changed into our outfits for the show, I left as Liam changed, I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by watching, and brought more bottles of water and throat lozenges for the show. We drank and wasted an abnormally large amount of water and I knew Niall and Harry hadn't been feeling the best.

     Lou was suspicious of how Liam and I were acting but he didn't push when I said I couldn't talk about it, it was difficult to talk about my issues to anyone but Liam and it was obvious that I couldn't talk to him about it, not yet.

     Tonight felt so strange, he was staring at me more than he usually did and I couldn't just feel something was different, I knew something was different. It wasn't long before we were on stage introducing ourselves.

     I kept meeting Liam's eyes, our harmonies were as close to perfect as they've ever been, and he seemed to gravitate toward me wherever I went on stage like he was always aware of where I was. It wasn't like it used to be, but I knew this was as close as it was going to get.

     I felt such burning jealousy as Lou and Liam were messing around, play-fighting as usual, but hearing Liam's laugh was relieving.

     I stared over at the smile across his face and found myself smiling as well, getting the urge to laugh myself, his smile was the best and most contagious out of the five of us. I couldn't stop staring at him with this stupid smile on my face but he didn't seem to mind when he looked at me, he even laughed as he turned away, some might say he actually giggled.

     After a few songs, in the middle of it Liam turned to me and looked straight in my eyes as he sang giving me chills, I knew that look, it was the look he got when he teased me, he wiggled his eyebrows and poked at my stomach.

     I heard him laugh as I stared directly at his lips and he turned away, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked away from me now turning serious once again.

     Every move he made made me want to be able to touch him and be around him like I used to be able to, and more than anything I wanted to kiss him and tell him how right this was. Everything he did made me want to hold him and kiss him more.

     It was time for us to change and I knew it was the right time, I watched him go into the closet on side stage and waited a few minutes for him to change as I did and when I was done and heard him gathering his other clothes I opened the door and shut it behind me before he could walk out.

     I looked directly at his wide eyes from over my shoulder and started walking toward him slowly, he looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, he was fully clothed.

     "Come on then," I said quietly as he lifted his head once again, he stared intently at my lips and back into my eyes.

     His lips parted slightly as I approached him, just less than a foot away, I whispered again, "Come on."

     We were in a stance that most people would misconstrue to be the beginning of a fight.

     He didn't move, making me move closer, never breaking eye contact. I could see so many things in his brown eyes, I almost thought I was hallucinating some of them.

     My heart was beating out of my chest and I could almost feel his warmth radiating onto me already.

     He still stared as I leaned up slowly, he relaxed at my touch for the first time as my hand touched his stomach gently.

     I could feel his breath on my lips and stopped just centimeters away, his breath was intoxicating, I could hardly breathe being so close to him.

     He searched my eyes and a sort of relief showed in his along with a sense of conflict.

     As I stood there, both of us motionless, I felt his body suddenly mold into mine.

     He placed both of his hands down on each side of my face softly and pulled my lips to his. His lips were so soft as they parted against mine making my whole body vibrate, he completely relaxed as I placed both of my hands on his hips and pulled his body into mine.

     I could taste the nicotine on his lips, most people don't like it but it completely made me weak at the knees, Liam alone made me weak at the knees.

     His thumb softly ran across my cheek as his other hand found my back with his fingers pressed deeply against it, holding me close to him.

     I was breathing hard against his lips and held onto him even harder for fear of collapsing, I could feel his arms reach around my torso tightly in response and moved my back against the wall.

     My fingers dug themselves gently against his shoulder feeling his tongue across my lips, but it wasn't like he was asking for an entrance even though I would have gladly given it to him, he wanted to taste my lips, and I wanted to taste his.

     Our lips pulled away from each other making me shiver. Liam took my face in his soft hands again and pulled my face towards his pressing his lips back to mine lovingly for a quick moment. I could hardly breathe.

     He pulled away once more and looked into my eyes, his widened at what had just happened and backed away slowly until he reached the door.

     His eyes turned sad as he opened the door and walked away, in that look alone I could see how much he cared.

     I've never felt anything remotely like that when I snogged other people, that showed a whole different level of intense love, especially on his part, which was somewhat comforting.

     I was still at a loss for breath and I could hardly move. I could still feel his touch on my skin and his lips on mine, I already wanted to snog him again and hold him again, but I was so worried about Liam that I could hardly think straight.

     All I really wanted was for him to be alright. His happiness was the thing that had come to matter most to me, and I might have just fucked up royally out of my own selfishness.


	6. Mine

     None of the boys knew what happened between Liam and I last night at the concert, but they knew something was strange. Liam hadn't spoken to me at all since we kissed, not even on stage in front of the fans.

     I felt horrible, I knew I shouldn't have done it but he kissed me back, there was too much emotion in that moment for him to deny it. Neither of us could let this go.

     He was scared, I could tell, I could see it in his amber eyes. He couldn't hide anything from me, even if he tried, but he wasn't angry.

     Louis and Harry had gone to visit Ann for the day and Niall had decided to tag along so it was just Li and I alone. I stayed downstairs in the living room, flipping through American television, making sure I wasn't bothering him.

     I was so worried about Li, what he was going through in the public eye, all I wanted was to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be just fine, that I was here, and no matter what that would never change.

     I finally turned the TV off and threw the remote to the other end of the couch, I heard sniffling upstairs and immediately I stood and ran up.

     I slowly stepped toward Liam's door and it was cracked open. He was sitting with his back against the wall and with his knees to his chest, his face buried in his knees. 

     I opened the door and walked slowly up to him, he looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and tears spilling down his beautiful face.

     "Liam..." I sat down next to him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders feeling him completely melt against me, "Liam, it's all going to be okay, I promise...I'm right here."

     "They're going to tear us apart, Zayn, how is this going to be okay...?" he hid his face in shame, "I can't lose you..."

     "You won't, I'm not going anywhere, babe. I promise you that," I hugged him close to my body and felt his fist bawl up my shirt.

     "Please, don't go, Zayn..."

     I took his hand and intertwined our fingers, helping him up. We walked over to the bed and I had him lay down facing me.

     I wiped away his tears and let my hand linger against his cheek, "They can beat me, insult me, do anything they want, but they are not going to even touch you."

     I pulled his body closer to me and his face was inches from mine and asked, "Why me, Liam?"

     "You've always understood me, you've always accepted me, you've always been here for me...I never imagined that I would fall in love with a mate...I don't know what this makes me...but you, Zayn..." he reached up and caressed me, tears forming in his eyes again, I could tell this was all hard for him to say, "I need _you_...and I can't stay away from you anymore..."

     "You don't have to, love..." I leaned over and felt Liam gently hold my side, his lips parted against mine and I immediately molded into him, I instantly knew that I belonged to him and him alone, "You're mine."

 

 


End file.
